Playing Favorites By Marshall Goldsmith There’s a reason I devote...
JG: All leading questions. And when I explained it to him, he had no idea that that’s what he was doing. He thought he was helping someone by giving them the answers [in his questioning]. So, I made that a study. I’m still doing the study because 99 percent of people have difficulty asking questions to which they don’t have answers. They get anxiety, like they should know the answers. They don’t want to look stupid. These are the tapes they play in their minds.
But when we ask questions for which we don’t have answers, it actually opens up a conversation with the other person. It enables them to think in new ways, because we’re not setting up a question with an obvious answer. In other words, we’re not pushing them toward a certain answer.
The conversation that ensues is what I call a level-three conversation. It goes deeper and takes them into what I call “share-and-discover” mode, which changes their chemistry so they bond in better ways. They start to look forward, and the open space of “I don’t know the answer” changes to “What are we going to learn together?” It is a fantastic approach to working together to find solutions to problems for which we do not have the answers.
In August, I am hosting a free webinar series for the Marshall Goldsmith 100 Coaches applicants! You will learn more about the 20 bad habits, like “asking” rather than “telling”, and other topics from my books, What Got You Here Won’t Get You There and Triggers. All are welcome to join!